Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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