So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
