Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
