Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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