i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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