Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
