i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
