It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just pynch a tree in the face
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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