i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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