he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
