ya dads aren't the best wingmen
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
