You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
