I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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