do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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