I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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