I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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