Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
