Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
