Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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