I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
