Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize