He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
