Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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