May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
