don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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