she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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