I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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