Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
