The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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