I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
