So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
