I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
