Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had sex on a roof
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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