Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
