Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
