Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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