If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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