hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
