so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
