The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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