Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
