your parents love me but you hate me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
