Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
