I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dicks are not precious.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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