Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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