I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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