I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
