Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
