He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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