hell yes lets make some ravioli
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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