so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
