what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
