I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
