Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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