i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
