i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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