Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
