12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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