dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
