You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
not ubering you a puppy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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