Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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