yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk is not a location!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
