who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
