Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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