you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
