too bad you live with your parents still
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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