gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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