she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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