awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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