i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
