it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
