I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
