So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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