she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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