okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
