2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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